Reasons for Wanting a Baby Expectations about becoming a Parent Experiences of Friends and Family Parenthood Considerations What Do You Value? Sharing the Work

Reasons For Wanting A Family

   Lynn takes a moment to think and wonders what would be 3 good reasons.

What would be your reasons for wishing to begin a family?  What are your partner's reasons?  Take a moment to consider this and jot down your answers below.

Your reasons for wanting to begin a family:

1.

2.

3.

 Your partner's reasons for wanting to begin a family:

1.

2.

3.

Expectations About Becoming A Parent

We all have different ideas about what parenting will be like.  Now is the time to talk with each other and share some of your hopes, doubts and expectations about becoming parents.

As a future mother, what do you feel will be the joys of parenting?

What are some of your concerns? 

As a future father, what do you see as the joys of parenting?

What are your concerns?

Parenthood Considerations

Becoming parents is a life-long decision.  You probably feel there are many things to consider before taking the leap into parenthood, and rightly so.  Along with your excitement, you may have some feelings of anxiety and uncertainty.  This is a big decision and your mixed feelings are very natural.

Experiences of Friends and Family

Don't forget to take some time to talk with your family and friends.  They probably have some valuable insights and information to share.  Some space has been provided below to record some of their shared comments.

Conversation with _______________________________________________.

                                                                 (name)

Joys of parenting:

Parenting challenges:

Advice given:

Conversation with ______________________________________________.

                                                                 (name)

Joys of parenting:

Parenting challenges:

Advice given:

What Do You Value?

“We decided to wait before starting our family and I’m glad we did so.  We have completed our education, have our careers, purchased a car, house and other things.  We’ve also had a chance to travel.  We know one another as a couple and now we are ready to deal with our new roles as parents.”

We all “value” different aspects of life.  When making the decision whether or not to enter the parenting world, this is one area to seriously consider with your partner.  Use the following test to examine your values.

Value Statements

The following statements represent various attitudes people have about parenthood. 

● Check "A" if you agree with the statement, "D" if you disagree with the statement or "?" if you are 

    not sure how you feel about the statement. 

● Have your partner do the same.

● Compare and discuss your feelings about each statement.

Most couples do not agree on every point.  The object of this exercise is not to have total agreement, but to discuss and reach a compromise about each value, sorting out potential problems before you become parents.

Sharing The Work

 

"We often bicker about who does more around the house.  I don't think he realizes just how much time caring for a baby really takes!"

"Sometimes I'm made to feel like I do nothing around the house. Doesn't she realize that repairs around the house take a lot of time!"

Sit back and take a realistic look at your present workload and at how you see things changing once a baby enters the picture.  If you like, use percentages to get a clearer picture of the division of workload.

When you become parents there will be additional tasks to consider.  Will your responsibilities above remain the same or shift somewhat?  Who will be responsible for the new additional baby/child care tasks?  Consider the following additional tasks and complete the chart as you did above.

(Adapted from: “Canadian Living,” Share the Work Quiz,  Christine Langois, 1992)

We all hope to live in a supportive relationship with our partner.  However, for some people, family violence is a reality.  Pregnancy is often a trigger for the beginning or escalation of violence.  When battering occurs during pregnancy, the risk of it continuing after birth and becoming child abuse is high.  Remember, the stresses of pregnancy and parenting may strain a troubled relationship beyond normal coping abilities.  Seek help if you feel you are in an abusive relationship, and know your supports (family, friends, local community agencies).

There are many decisions to make before taking that final step towards parenthood.  Keep your communication lines open and honest.  A strong relationship between the two of you will establish a firm foundation on which to build a family.

Visit the Family Violence section for more information on this issue.

Section Reference

1.                    Birth and Babies.  (1995).  "Are you ready to be a parent?" Birth and Babies, Natural Birth Journal.  2 pages. [online], http://www.family web.com/faqs/mkfaq_general_part1.html [2000, Sept. 15].

For credit of this information, please refer to the preconception home page.