Parents: Sexual Health Education
Begins At Home – Listen, Talk and Care

Survey Says:

	45% of teens regard their parents as their role model, far ahead of friends (32%) and the entertainment industry stars (about 15%) when it comes to sex.
	Parents are considered a major source of information on sex and sexual health by their teenagers (63%) and nearly half (43%) consider their parent to be the most useful and valuable source of information.
	Two-thirds (62%) of Canadian teens faced obstacles or barriers in getting answers to their questions on sexual health.  As an example, one in three (31%) are uncomfortable talking or learning about sexual health information.
	Teens regard their parents as an important information source on the subject of sex, but a generation barrier exists.  When teens were asked what they felt was missing in their knowledge about sex, one-quarter (25%) cited “how to talk about sexual health issues with my parents”.

Source: Sexual Behaviours and Attitudes Canadian Teenagers and Mothers.  IPSOS and the Canadian Association for Adolescent Health (CAAH), February 2006.  URL: http://www.acsa-caah.ca/ang/home.html

Some Common Myths:

If you give your children sexual education, they will become sexually active

A 2001 review of 28 different sexual health research studies concluded that: Sexuality and HIV education programs that include discussion of condoms and contraception do not increase sexual intercourse; they do not speed up the onset of intercourse, do not increase the frequency of intercourse, and do not increase the number of sexual partners (Kirby, 2001).

I don't have to answer my daughter's questions, she is still way too young

These days, kids are discovering sex and sexual behaviour younger and younger, and there really is no such thing as "too young" for some form of sexual discussion. You don't have to rush your child into sexual education, but it's a good idea to play it by ear early; there's really no way of knowing how much your child knows or doesn't know unless you talk with them.

My son will find out soon enough, I will wait until he asks

Talking about sex can be embarrassing for anyone, especially kids.  They may think that you'll be upset with them for bringing up the subject or that they're doing something "wrong" by talking about it.  It's bad enough if your child's questions are going unanswered, but considering the range of sexual problems out there - disease, accidental pregnancy, etc.. - it's really important to talk to your child and make sure they feel comfortable coming to you.

(from www.sexualityandu.ca)

The Reality Is…

Getting Started…

The best place to start is with yourself, and with your partner if you have one. Try to identify your own values about the place of sex in life and in a relationship.  How do you feel about young people having sex and why do you feel that way?

What fears do you have? Have you had bad experiences that might color your views and values about sexual subjects? If you’ve not had a satisfactory sexual relationship yourself, you may be passing those feelings and attitudes on.

What would be your ideal sexual outcome for your child? In other words, how would you know if you had actually raised "sexually healthy" offspring?

How did you learn about sex? How would you wish it to be for your child? Think back to what it was like for you and what you worried about. Chances are it’s the same for your kids, maybe even more so.

Kids say that parents’ biggest weakness is that they underestimate what young people can understand or are capable of handling. On the other hand, don’t assume that since they seem very sophisticated, they don’t need your guidance.

Make sure you throw out the "car wash" theory of sex education: a quick run-through of the facts once at age 12 and they’ll be "clean" for life!  A discussion that took place at age 10 to 11 is quite different in meaning to the child when it arises again at age 14 to 15. Many parents know that teaching about traffic safety requires frequent repetition, with increasing sophistication and responsibility.  Parents would do well to apply that same principle to sex education.

If you find it difficult to break the ice, it might help if you admit that you feel uncomfortable.  I feel nervous about this because it’s not something I’m used to talking about with anyone, but I’d like you to have the chance . . . .

If you need help, there are lots of books and brochures that can tell you exactly what to say, or that you can read with your child or give to your teenager…look at the end of this page for a list of resources.

Some Tips To Help You Along…

Here are some suggestions that may help parents teach sexuality at home.  They can also be used to encourage a healthy awareness of the family’s beliefs and values about sexuality:

	Take advantage of opportunities to start discussions. A visit to a farm or zoo, a family pet having babies, a TV show character or a friend having a baby often sparks a pre-schooler’s curiosity as to where she/he came from. Bath time is an ideal opportunity to talk about bodies and body parts.
	Begin early by labeling all parts of the body by the proper names so your children feel comfortable about their bodies.
	Keep it simple and short. A child’s curiosity may be satisfied with a brief, simple statement. If she/he wants to know more, she/he will ask!
	You don’t have to be the expert who "knows it all". If you’re stumped, it’s okay to let your children know that you need to get more information. There are many good places to get accurate information in the community. Some suggestions are at the end of this article.
	Introduce the idea of public vs. private. Young children should be aware that while some behaviours are acceptable in public, others are not. During early school age, modesty becomes important to children, so respect their right to privacy.
	It is important to know what your children are learning and what words they are using. If they use slang, let them know if you accept this or not. Also, remind them what the right word is.
	Sometime between the ages of 9 and 14, your child’s body will start to develop. He or she needs to know ahead of time what will happen to him/her.  Your child will also need to know why it is happening, and that it is perfectly normal. Most schools provide some puberty education between grades 4 and 6. Check it out.
	Relax. As a parent, you are continually responding to a barrage of questions—from Why is the sky blue? to Why do I have toes? Sexuality doesn’t need to be different. A simple statement of fact is usually all that is required.

There are many good books available at libraries and book stores. Here are a few suggestions.

Calderone, Dr. Mary, and Dr. James Calderone. Talking With Your Child About Sex, Questions and Answers from Birth to Puberty. Ballentine Books, Random House, Toronto, 1982.

Calderone, Mary, and Erick Johnson. The Family Book about Sexuality. Ballentine Books, NY, 1983.

Freeman, Lory. It’s My Body. Parenting Press, Seattle, 1982.

Freeman, Lory. Loving Touches. Parenting Press, Seattle, 1986.

Gordon, Sol, and Judith Gordon. Raising a Child Conservatively in a Sexually Permissive World. Simon and Schuster, NY, 1983.

*Harris, Robie. It’s Perfectly Normal—Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health. Candlewick Press, Cambridge, Mass., 1994.

Hickling, Meg. Speaking of Sex: Are You Ready to Answer the Questions Your Kids Will Ask? Best Book Manufacturers, 1996.

Madaras, Lynda. The What’s Happening to My Body Book for Boys. Newmarket Press, NY, 1984.

Madaras, Lynda The What’s Happening to My Body Book for Girls. Newmarket Press, NY, 1984.

Nilsson, Lennart. How Was I Born? Delacorte Press, 1993.

Quackenbush, Marcia. A Kid’s First Book About Sex. Kids Can Press, Toronto, 1985.
 

* Several copies of this book have recently been donated to the public library systems in Grey-Bruce by the Public Health Unit.

For more information, call

Grey Bruce Health Unit, Sexual Health Program:
Owen Sound 1-800-263-3456 (376-9420)
Walkerton (881-1920)

Sexual Health Videos are also available at the health unit.